Respecting Ḥayâ'
Part 3
Mohammed S. Uddin
We have previously discussed protecting our modesty (Ḥayâ') before Allah and before the angels, emphasizing what this implies in our attitudes, understanding and actions. We now elaborate on three other categories of observing Ḥayâ':
Ḥayâ' with the Messenger of Allah:
"O you who believe! Raise not your voices above the voice of the ProphetSAAW, nor speak aloud to him in talk as you speak aloud to one another, lest your deeds should be rendered fruitless while you perceive not." [Surah Al-Ḥujarat, 49:2]
It is the right of the Messenger of Allah for us to be shy (modest) with him, revere him and his family, and honor him, because it is AllahSWT Who has declared him as His Messenger, a title of mercy and honor, to be remembered till the Day of Al-Akhirah. He has brought the Holy Qur'an to us and established Islam and the Straight Path for us. Anyone who wishes to meet AllahSWT must walk the Path that our Prophet has laid down with his Sunnah. In the Prophet's absence, to fulfill his right, we should make frequent salutations, particularly on hearing his name being mentioned, and by following his Sunnah. Our Prophet is honored by AllahSWT and by the angels when we send our salutations to him:
"Allah sends His Salat (Graces, Honor, blessings, Mercy) on the ProphetSAAW, and also His angels (asking Allah to bless and forgive him). O you who believe! Send your Salat on him, and greet him with the Islamic way of greeting (As-Salamu 'Alaikum). [Surah Al-Aḥzâb, 33:56]
His family and his Companions also have a right on us, because of the sacrifice they made for Islam. We, as beneficiaries of their sacrifice, must pay their due through honoring them, making Du'a for them, and following their examples.
Ḥayâ' with oneself:
This aspect of Ḥayâ' is self-purification. Ḥayâ' reflects on the honor and dignity of a person. If one respects himself, he will respect others.
Ali Ibn Abi Talib said: "Ḥayâ' with oneself is the best kind of Ḥayâ' " (Sahih al-Bukhari 9)
and the Holy ProphetSAW said:
"If you have no shame (Ḥayâ'), do as you wish." (Forty Hadith #20, from Al-Bukhari)
Al-Ḥayâ' acts as a shield against all kinds of lewdness. Lewdness results from the whispering of our soul, of jinn and of jinn-like humans (Surah Al-Naṣ 114: 4-6). The loss of Ḥayâ' opens the door for unlimited ways of committing lewdness (faḥisha), adultery, fornication, and intoxication, to name a few. The person without Ḥayâ' may even be shameless with himself in public and in the privacy of his home:
Narrated on the authority of Anas bin Malik, the ProphetSAW said: When lewdness (faḥisha) is a part of anything, that thing becomes defective; and when Ḥayâ' is a part of anything that thing becomes beautiful. (Jami` Al-Tirmidhi 1974)
Al-Ḥayâ' is a known virtue of righteous people like the Prophets and Messengers, the Companions of the Messengers, the close Followers of the Companions, and a special group of people like these in this life, and the Hurs/Companions of Paradise, the special creatures, preserved in pavilions, who restrain their beautiful eyes):
"Wherein (Paradise) will be chaste maidens, restraining their glances, whom no man or jinn has deflowered before them." [Surah Al-Raḥmân, 55:56]
Self-consciousness of Ḥayâ' increases one's level of Faith, and draws one closer to the companions of Paradise. The Holy ProphetSAW connected Ḥayâ' with Faith and Paradise in the following Tradition:
"Al-Ḥayâ' is from faith, and faith is in Paradise. Obscenity is from rudeness, and rudeness is in the Fire." (Jami' Al-Tirmidhi, 2009)
On the other hand, lack of Ḥayâ' opens the way to lewdness, which erodes into the very nature of a human being and destroys his inner self and ultimately his society. Lack of Ḥayâ' / modesty and exposure of one's Awrah are enticing, and facilitate forbidden thoughts and desires in the minds of those who seek temporary sexual pleasure, eventually leading to illegal relationships.
Ḥayâ' with other people:
A major characteristic of true believers is Ḥayâ', manifested in their conduct; they are humble, and down to earth:
And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allah) are those who walk on the earth with humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with ugly words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. [Surah Al-Furqan, 25:63]
Ḥayâ' is the key to social reform. To be shy and kind with people is a virtue: it brings respect and honor, while lack of it is a vice and diminishes one's dignity and respect. A shy, yet intelligent person, is well-liked by all, and looked on as trustworthy. Our ProphetSWT was shy, soft spoken, wise and intelligent, a man of few words:
Narrated Abu Sa'id: The Prophet was "more bashful than a veiled virgin girl." (Ṣaḥîḥ Al-Bukhari 6119)
Ḥayâ' helps in building one's morality, manifested in one's behavior. The practice of Ḥayâ' in the family brings up well-behaved children, and garners love and respect among family members. The practice of Ḥayâ' in the community generates a sense of respect among the community members, prevents criticism and backbiting, and improves morality. Ḥayâ' with other people helps maintain the recommended distance from non-mahrams (those to whom someone can be married).
The Holy Qur'an admonishes believing men and women to lower their gaze from forbidden things, and to protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze…and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…" [Surah Al-Nûr, 24:30-31]
Thus, Islamic Shari'ah dictates the code of Ḥayâ' for both men and women:
• Lowering the gaze and avoiding flirtatious speech and conduct;
• Avoiding close physical contact with unrelated members of the opposite sex;
• Observing modest or Islamic dress according to the Qur'an and Sunnah;
• Not drawing unnecessary attention to oneself.
• Women should avoid wearing perfume or cosmetics in front of non-relative men (and relative men who are eligible for a woman to marry); women should avoid drawing attention to jewelry and other hidden adornments.
Ḥayâ' is part of a broader spirituality. The inner and outer aspects of Ḥayâ' are just two aspects of a Muslim's spirituality, and an integral part of one's worship and obedience to AllahSWT. The MessengerSAW of Allah said:
"Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection, but none amongst the women reached this level except Asiyah, the Pharaoh's wife, and Maryam (Mary), the daughter of 'Imran…. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, 3411)
Sayyidina MaryamAS, the mother of IsâAS, is one such example, where life, faith and Ḥayâ' culminated in one human being, to be remembered to the end of time:
...And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of 'Imran who guarded her chastity…. [Surah Tahrim, 66:12; Surah Al-Anbiyâ', 21:91]
She said: "Verily! I seek refuge with the Most Gracious (Allah) from you, if you do fear Allah. [Surah Maryam, 19:18]
In conclusion, Ḥayâ' is a virtue that is a part of all existence. Apart from being forceful about the truth of his Dîn, AllahSWT is modest about Himself and about the privacy of His creation. He hides the shortcomings of His slaves. The angels shy away from the vices of humans, and are reluctant to record their faults in the Book of Deeds. The evidence of Ḥayâ' is present in all spheres of creation, even in the sphere of lower animals.
Our respectful and pure connection with AllahSWT is the best commodity we can own. It has to be based on belief, love, and modesty. Modesty with AllahSWT is the first step towards self-purification. Similarly, our relations with our parents, family members, and society must be based on modesty, as expressed in disseminating the message of Islam through the practice of Salam. Salam conveys our intent of peace and humility to others; it is sign of modesty and a means of invitation to a peaceful coexistence:
And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words), they reply back with words of gentleness. [Surah Al-Furqan, 25:63]
Ḥayâ' is a part of life, a part of human nature, and a part of Faith. Denying Ḥayâ' is denying one's own nature and weakening his Faith. Practice of Ḥayâ' in personal and societal life is the remedy to social ills, which in turn are rooted in lack of Ḥayâ':
...And those who do not bear witness to falsehood; and if they pass by some evil play or evil talk, they pass by it with dignity. [Surah Al-Furqan, 25:72]
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